Ironically after writing about both homecomings and grief, after four months of constantly being on the go and navigating some difficult work and personal challenges, I find myself in a place of needing to rely on the very same anchors I previously shared. After finally reaching a point of mental and emotional exhaustion, I am currently focusing on my tried-and-true approach to finding my way back.

For the next few days and beyond, this “recipe” includes:

1. A period of quiet solitude in a peaceful nature setting at my auntie’s lake house. When in doubt, heading to the forest and/or water is always a good first step.

2. Continuing my meditation practice to calm my mind and nervous system. I brought a coloring book and started Sarah Blondin’s Coming Home to Yourself 10-day course on Insight Timer that I can’t recommend enough.

3. Continuing my writing practice, including finalizing my latest poem and sharing this post that has been on my mind for the past few weeks.

4. Reading content from several writers I am connected with on Substack. I also brought some books with me, but getting lost in them feels like it would be more of a distraction than what I truly need at this moment.

5. Listening to calming and uplifting music. If you know (anything about my playlists), you know.

6. Prayer and gratitude for the ability to virtually congregate with my faith community this morning.

7. After putting all of this together, community is now what asks to be tended to.

As I previously shared, “When faced with challenges, my instinct/trauma response is to retreat and isolate myself. The antidote to this (and many other problems in the world) is community…Whatever community feels like in the moment, reaching for it and asking for help when I need it is always helpful.” I find myself at a crossroads where this resonates deeply and highlights why I place such a strong emphasis on community and connection when it comes to my work and how I show up in the world.

To be in genuine community, we must resist any urge to lean into “toxic positivity” since this is often just a mask and barrier to that very thing we desire. As I continue to ride the waves that are currently present in my life, I am recommitted to practicing what I preach by showing up exactly as I am. For today and however many more days I may need, I am giving myself permission to lay down my masks, feel exactly what I need to, and continue asking for the support I need. As the saying goes, “We must feel what we want to heal.” Happy feeling and healing, friends.

Masks
by Shawn Patrick Rivera

The smile on my face 
And laugh that fills the room 
Are honest reflections 
Of who I am 
And they are also lies 
An elaborate mask 
Mastered through practice 
And a long history of trauma 
Heartache and pain 
Like a shield 
Built to keep the monsters at bay 
That falls in the quiet moments 
Of solitude and reflection 
Like a suit of armor 
Trying to protect from daggers 
Penetrating my heart and spirit 
Only to eventually fail 
With tears flowing like blood 
But this isn’t weakness 
For vulnerability is strength 
Especially in a world 
That often rejects this 
But this is how 
I slay the dragons 
This is how 
I always have 
This is how 
I survive

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This human life is messy and the easiest way I know how to make sense of it has long been through words of my own, favorite writers and poets, and lyrics that resonate deeply. I recently got curious and spent time going down memory lane by sifting through decades of my old journals, poems, stories, and other writing.

While I already knew grief is a subject I know intimately and write about extensively, it was eye opening to realize just how long it has been a companion in my life and writing, yet I can still count on one hand how many times I have shared any of it in a public space. Even writing this introduction took days of procrastination and pushing through fears and some of the most uncomfortable feelings. And when I view grief as the ultimate uncomfortable feeling, I remember the best way to counter it is the same way I always have - with love.

I originally wrote the poem below during a period of personal and collective grief in 2020, and it only seems fitting to share it here and now since so many people are grieving so many things. I hope it brings you some peace if that is what you need right now. I hope it makes you uncomfortable in some way so you can remember you’re human. And I also hope you will join me as I occasionally continue exploring this theme.

Grief is Love
by Shawn Patrick Rivera

I wish there was something I could say 
A way to ease the pain 
The currents washing over you 
Waves crashing 
Soul crushing 
Pain 
But only love can guide the way 

Like a buoy 
Anchoring your memories 
Sometimes at a distance 
Always within reach 
A constant through every storm 
No matter where it leads 
Always there 
Always remembering what was 
And what will always be 

LOVE

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Neighbors
by Shawn Patrick Rivera

We have more in common 
With our neighbors 
Than we might think 
Or others try to make us believe 

Our neighbors are not the enemy 
They are just like us 
Trying to make it in this world 
Designed to keep us down 

Chaos and division 
The name of the game 
Trying to destroy the foundation 
Of our only hope and home 

This can only be made possible 
Through apathy and resignation 
Not speaking up 
And burying our heads in shame 

I will not stand for this 
I will not sit idly by 
I will stand up for our neighbors 
And I will love them just the same 

We all have a choice 
It is not yet too late 
I choose being on the right side of history 
I choose my neighbors as God chooses me 

What do you choose?

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Home is more than just where the heart is, it is a place where you long to return again and again. Yes, that can be a physical place or in another person’s presence, but more importantly, home can be yourself.

But what exactly does it mean to come home to yourself?

It can be showing up as your full self without masks or apologies (authenticity). It can be a quiet calling that you can never truly ignore no matter how far you go or try to avoid it (intuition). It can be aligning your life and actions with the values you espouse (integrity). It can be living your life in such a way that you treat each day like the gift that it is (intention).

For me, there are also signals when I am not home in myself. When I am impatient or quick to anger, my body tenses up and my words get sharper. When I am overly reactive and not treating others how I want to be treated, I feel regret. When I let the opinions of others start to dictate my life, I make choices based on what I feel I should do instead of what I actually want or need to do, and feel resentful in the process. When I let fear take control and hijack my nervous system, I give away my power and neglect what I feel most called to do.

Whenever I realize I have drifted away, there are several ways that help me find my way back home.

1. Solitude. Prioritizing solitude and introspection becomes a necessity. Creating space for these quiet moments helps me find my center again and make decisions that are aligned with my values instead of my emotions.

2. Nature. Being in nature is medicine. Whether it is a walk in the park, hike through the forest, or simply sitting outside staring into the trees, this is the easiest way for me to find stillness.

3. Meditation. While I sometimes struggle with focus and consistency with meditation, it never fails to redirect me to a much better place. The Insight Timer app is an amazing resource and I particularly love guided meditations by Sarah Blondin and Kenneth Soares.

4. Writing. Journaling/writing helps me release and transmute negative thoughts and feelings, as well as discover new insights and find more joy.

5. Reading. Taking the time to get out of my head and look at the world through a different lens often brings new perspective and more gratitude.

6. Music. Listening to music and letting the lyrics linger is often cathartic and inspiring.

7. Prayer. Prayer can take many forms depending on your belief system. As an Episcopalian, I lean on my faith to help navigate life’s peaks and valleys, and everywhere in between. Whenever I struggle to find the words, I give myself grace and focus more on what is on my heart instead of the words that may or may not come out.

8. Community. When faced with challenges, my instinct/trauma response is to retreat and isolate myself. The antidote to this (and many other problems in the world) is community, such as family, friends, neighbors, a book or other club, volunteer groups, faith communities, and online groups. Whatever community feels like in the moment, reaching for it and asking for help when I need it is always helpful.

As the world keeps turning and you race to keep up, coming home to yourself is vital. When you feel like your day or life is spinning out of control, it may be the only real way out. And whenever you lose your way, just remember you can always choose to come home to yourself.

What are some ways you come home to yourself?

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The Great Divide
by Shawn Patrick Rivera

Many stories 
Written and lived 
Day by day 
In parallel and overlapping 
In mysterious ways 
Influenced by forces 
Seen and unseen 
Creating disconnection 
Distraction 
And division 
Leading to a great divide 

We have lost our way 
The common thread 
And a common bond 
Instead we have come to fear 
That our fellow humans 
Are the enemy 
And not the systems and the people 
That sow fear and mistrust 
Through propaganda and lies 
Poison and vitriol 
Blinded by power and greed 

No one is coming to save us 
We are all that we’ve got 
Now we must rise up 
And come together 
At this great divide 
To make a choice 
Turn the page 
Chart a new path 
And write the first chapter 
With US at the center 
Of the next great story 

The revolution must not end 
In disaster or despair 
Instead it is an opportunity 
To imagine a new world 
And build a better way 
To dismantle what no longer serves us 
And what never has or ever will 
To reconcile what separates us 
And find common ground 
To leave the great divide 
And lay our armor down

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Finding Your Way
by Shawn Patrick Rivera

When in doubt
Listen 
To the quiet voice within
In stillness, wisdom speaks
Just listen

When fear takes hold
Believe
Pray to whatever power you believe in
Or even just the ground beneath your feet
Just believe

When the fog rolls in
Breathe
In the quiet moments
You may find the peace you seek
Just breathe

When the wind sweeps you off your feet
Rest
And then rise
To stand tall in your power
Just rest

When the bitter cold takes hold
Speak
Share the warmth of your soul
And embrace the fire within
Just speak

When you have strayed from the path
Look
Up to the sky and into your heart
To the stars guiding you home
Just look

When you are afraid to follow the currents
Lead
You are the captain of your ship
The only one who can find the way
Just lead

When you embark on this new adventure
Dream
Of whoever you want to be
And whatever you want to achieve
Just dream

When you chart your course
Persist
Do not give up
No matter how long it takes
Just persist

When you start to lose faith
Hope
What is waiting on the other side
Is still within reach
Just hope

When you reach your destination
Remember
Where you have landed
Is where you were always meant to be 
Just remember

When you look back on your journey
Appreciate
What it took to get there
And those who were always by your side
Just appreciate

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Born Ready
by Shawn Patrick Rivera

Some say they are born ready 
Before a big moment in their lives 
In a moment of competitiveness 
When adversity comes to greet them 
Or when death knocks on a door 

We were not born ready 
Entering this unknown world 
Embarking on a new journey 
Of discovery 
Of learning 
Of success
Of failure
Of love 
Of joy 
Of pain
Of trauma 
Of loss 
Of sorrow 
Down to some of the deepest depths 
And up to some of the highest heights 

No, we were not born ready 
Not for this life 
Or tomorrow 
Or today 
Or even this moment 
Not for what we may have achieved 
And certainly not for what we may have lost 
Only to discover something more 

No, we are made ready 
Some of us raised with a steady love 
Examples of strength and loyalty 
And unwavering care 
Some of us with stories of abandonment and heartbreak 
And wounds that never fully heal 
Some of us with reasons to rage and storm 
And lose faith in ourselves and others 
Some of us with experiences of failure and redemption 
Discovering who we truly are
And what we were sent here to learn 

Learning how to love 
Imperfectly and unconditionally 
Learning how to first love ourselves is the key 
Learning how to forgive 
Asking for forgiveness isn’t easy 
Not forgiving ourselves can kill
Learning how to be thankful 
Not taking a single day or breath for granted 
Experiencing devastating loss 
Only to gain this life-saving perspective 
Learning how to fail 
Not being afraid to succeed 
Self-sabotage is the hidden monster 
Learning how to ask for help 
And the power of community 
Learning compassion 
And how to treat others
How we should be treating ourselves

Were we born ready?
Forged in a fire 
And the depths of our souls
With faith tested at many turns 
No, we were not born ready 
We are made ready 

Now the ball is tossed
And the question posed
Are you ready?

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My word for 2025 is READY, the main character who will be accompanied by some friends named Believe, Focus, and Shine. They will work closely together and unite around a common language, my phrase for the year, “Remember and Do What Matters.”

To commemorate this new team, here is the first poem I wrote to capture what these words mean to me.

I am READY.
by Shawn Patrick Rivera

I am ready 
to BELIEVE in 
myself 
and my dreams. 

I am ready 
to FOCUS on 
my goals 
and my promises. 

I am ready 
to SHINE 
light 
and make magic. 

I am ready 
to remember 
and do what matters. 

I am READY. 

I am.

What words have you picked for your new year/chapter? If you choose to participate in the ‘Word of the Year’ process, I would love to hear about your experience and chosen word(s) in the comments, private message, or by email!

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What is Unravel Your Year?

Without giving away too many details, Unravel Your Year is a guided process using Susannah Conway’s workbook to reflect on the year as it comes to a close. Before deciding where you want to go next, I always find it helpful to pause and first reflect on where you have been by exploring what went well, what is not working and needs to change, what wins and challenges you encountered, what you want more or less of in the new year to come, etc.

Why is this important? Summarizing it with a quote from Albert Einstein, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.” Perhaps this resource can be a key to helping you identify and break free from patterns that have not been serving you. Perhaps it won’t do anything for you at all, but I am skeptical about that. There is only one way to find out, and that is your mission should you choose to accept it. And if you do, I hope it serves you as well as it has me over the years.

What is Find Your Word?

Following or in place of Unravel Your Year, Find Your Word is a companion to this practice and where I find the real magic comes in. While setting New Year’s resolutions may benefit some, I find them to be flawed and ripe for making you feel even worse than when you originally set them - feeling guilt or shame if and when you inevitably fall of the bandwagon? No thanks, I would much rather be more compassionate with myself and more intentional with my choices.

My experience with utilizing the Find Your Word process to choose a word (and sometimes multiple words, or a word and a phrase depending on the year), has been much more positive and motivating. Instead of setting a specific goal that you may struggle to attain, you use your chosen word(s) to set an intention for what you want to experience and feel in the new year.

There is no black and white when it comes to intentions, there is only the gray area where you allow yourself to dream and make magic. Your word can serve as a magnet for your intentions, as well as a companion, guide, and ultimately teacher as you learn what it has to offer you. What you will find may surprise and delight you.

How long will this process take?

The beauty of this process is that there is no right or wrong way to complete it. It is your year, life, and word(s), so you are in the driver’s seat. As a general guide, I personally like to spend 15-45 minutes every day over the span of a week, but you can take as little or as much time as you need.

I once worked through both workbooks in one sitting and later found I prefer taking more time for reflection. One year, I skipped unraveling and jumped right to picking a word. Another year, I started in January and took weeks to choose a word. This year, I followed the structure very closely. I have benefited equally from every approach, and invite you to choose what resonates most with you and change or skip the rest.

What are some of your words?

My selected words won’t necessarily have the same meaning or impact for you, so instead I will offer one example to help get your ideas flowing while you refer to the Find Your Word workbook as your ultimate resource.

For two years in a row, I chose LOVE. I was in a place in life where I was in an unfulfilling job, single and processing some grief and trauma, and lacked the self-love I needed (newsflash, these are all intertwined). With that simple word and intention, and a LOT of hard work and support/resources later, it brought a career pivot that has since opened many doors and aligned me with my passions. It brought stronger faith, not only in God but also in myself and others. It brought healing and a new outlook on love and relationships, including the most important relationship - the one with myself. And ultimately, it brought new love into my life. By the end of that time when I felt ready to choose my next word, I was in a completely unexpected and infinitely better place. Magic. And putting in the work to realize it.

The word cloud image above includes some additional ideas. In future posts, I will share more about my chosen word for 2025 and dive further into my past experiences.

What are some ways to help you remember your word?

Here are a few ideas I have utilized:

• Writing it on a sticky note and posting it on your bathroom mirror, in your office, and/or other location where you will see it regularly.

• Creating or using another image that includes your word as your computer or phone background.

• Creating a photo album on your phone (or physically) with pictures that include or remind you of your word, the feelings you want to embody, etc. I usually do this and name the album after my chosen word. Pro Tip: I also create an Instagram collection and regularly save posts that remind me of my word - turning doomscrolling into ‘intention scrolling’ is an ultimate life hack.

• Creating or purchasing an engraved item with your word, such as a stone or piece of wood.

• Creating or commissioning other artwork, such as a painting or piece of pottery.

• Creating a playlist on your favorite music app; mine happens to be Pandora and by the end of every year, I end up with an eclectic playlist that corresponds to that year’s word. If you are a musician or songwriter, perhaps it may even inspire some new music.

• Naming your new pet or newborn child after your word - kidding, maybe? I wouldn’t put it past me, especially if it is a word/name like Grace.

Closing Thoughts

What intentions and words do you want to guide your days in the year to come? If you have done or choose to do this process, I would love to hear about your experience and chosen word(s) in the comments, private message, or by email. Happy New Year, New Word, friends!

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Some additional thoughts to consider:

1. *When choosing a word, it is important to consider the possibilities that you may call into your life; change and personal growth are not easy, and this process does not promise your new year will be either. In fact, most growth comes from stepping out of your comfort zone and doing things that may stretch and scare you. You’ve got this!
   
   The first year I did this practice, I discerned that COURAGE was going to be my word. While I was able to call in and nurture that courage, I also encountered unexpected experiences that taught me challenging lessons I needed to learn to realize that intention. I invite you to take the time to choose wisely and then take the leap, even if it scares you. If any of this sparks your curiosity, I suspect you are already prepared for whatever the journey brings and everything you have to gain on the other side of it.

2. If your chosen word doesn’t feel like it is serving you, there is no rule that says you can’t abandon it, choose a different word, or decide not to use one at all. Similarly, if you find you could use more time with your word, there is no reason you can’t use it for multiple years.

3. An unrelated resource that has had a profound impact on my journey, particularly with navigating grief, is Susannah Conway’s book This I Know: Notes On Unraveling The Heart. More to come on this topic later!

If you aren’t familiar, Michaels is a retail chain in North America that is known for being the equivalent of a candy store for almost any art/creative project you can imagine. It also contains an abundance of decorative items for any of your holiday needs. After coming to my senses and realizing I went overboard this year, I visited my local store for some returns. Immediately upon entering the store and without even saying a word, an associate rudely informed that the computer system was just starting to come online after an outage and followed it with, “So YOU are just going to have to wait.” Yikes.

In that moment, I was on the verge of unleashing some sharp words because of her poor customer service, but instead paused because this certainly had to be an overreaction that had nothing to do with me. Was that easy to do? Admittedly no, it would have been much quicker to return her attitude in spades. That would have also been a lose-lose situation, so instead, I agreed to wait even though I was running short on time before having to head to an appointment.

When it became time for her to assist me, I continued my masterclass in patience and allowed her to express whatever she felt she needed to while letting it all roll off instead of taking it personally. As she continued barking back at me, I remained calm, smiled, and even cracked some jokes to try to lighten the mood. At the end of this challenging interaction, I wished her a wonderful day, which caught her off guard before she wished me the same and said she hoped I enjoyed the rare winter sun in Portland. What a difference.

The moral of this story is that you never know what someone else is going through. The holidays can be difficult for many different reasons, including grief and challenging family dynamics. Working in customer service can be difficult. Some days even just existing in this world can be difficult.

In this example, I chose empathy and kindness over anger and attitude. I treated this woman as I wish she had treated me. I offered her the same grace that others have shown me in moments when I don’t show up as my best self either. I stayed true to myself and my values. And in the end, I left that interaction feeling more at peace. I’d like to think she did too.

What small actions can you take to add more kindness to your corner of the world? Whatever you choose, remember it matters.

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Rather than giving into the fear and division some people are committed to perpetuating, I am committed to doing the opposite by focusing on being more intentional with my actions and energy, being more present in my relationships, finding ways to help build community and uplift others, and pursuing activities that add JOY. And, as always, focusing as much as possible on keeping my faith over my fears.

With that said, my new personal “Project Joy” is to take at least one daily action to help make my corner of the world a little brighter each day.

• Recently, that meant starting a new practice of sharing things I appreciate and admire about the women in my life.

• Yesterday, it was enabling app limits (especially news and social media) on my phone so I can protect my energy, be more intentional about the information I consume, and be more present for loved ones.

• Today, it is writing this very first post on Substack (thank you to Mary Anne em Radmacher for the inspiration!).

• Tomorrow, it is going on a road trip to the Oregon coast to watch the king tides with my fiancé and our good friends.

• Sunday, it may be experimenting with a new soup recipe to share.

• In just a couple weeks (!), it will be pausing to reflect on everything I am grateful for.

• Soon (but not soon enough), it will be decorating for Christmas and participating in other holiday traditions with loved ones.

These are just a few everyday things that I can start now and don’t require a lot of time or effort. What can you do to make your world a little brighter and more joyful every day?

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