Masks
To be in genuine community, we must resist any urge to lean into “toxic positivity” since this is often just a mask and barrier to that very thing we desire.
Ironically after writing about both homecomings and grief, after four months of constantly being on the go and navigating some difficult work and personal challenges, I find myself in a place of needing to rely on the very same anchors I previously shared. After finally reaching a point of mental and emotional exhaustion, I am currently focusing on my tried-and-true approach to finding my way back.
For the next few days and beyond, this “recipe” includes:
A period of quiet solitude in a peaceful nature setting at my auntie’s lake house. When in doubt, heading to the forest and/or water is always a good first step.
Continuing my meditation practice to calm my mind and nervous system. I brought a coloring book and started Sarah Blondin’s Coming Home to Yourself 10-day course on Insight Timer that I can’t recommend enough.
Continuing my writing practice, including finalizing my latest poem and sharing this post that has been on my mind for the past few weeks.
Reading content from several writers I am connected with on Substack. I also brought some books with me, but getting lost in them feels like it would be more of a distraction than what I truly need at this moment.
Listening to calming and uplifting music. If you know (anything about my playlists), you know.
Prayer and gratitude for the ability to virtually congregate with my faith community this morning.
After putting all of this together, community is now what asks to be tended to.
As I previously shared, “When faced with challenges, my instinct/trauma response is to retreat and isolate myself. The antidote to this (and many other problems in the world) is community…Whatever community feels like in the moment, reaching for it and asking for help when I need it is always helpful.” I find myself at a crossroads where this resonates deeply and highlights why I place such a strong emphasis on community and connection when it comes to my work and how I show up in the world.
To be in genuine community, we must resist any urge to lean into “toxic positivity” since this is often just a mask and barrier to that very thing we desire. As I continue to ride the waves that are currently present in my life, I am recommitted to practicing what I preach by showing up exactly as I am. For today and however many more days I may need, I am giving myself permission to lay down my masks, feel exactly what I need to, and continue asking for the support I need. As the saying goes, “We must feel what we want to heal.” Happy feeling and healing, friends.
Masks
by Shawn Patrick Rivera
The smile on my face And laugh that fills the room Are honest reflections Of who I am And they are also lies An elaborate mask Mastered through practice And a long history of trauma Heartache and pain Like a shield Built to keep the monsters at bay That falls in the quiet moments Of solitude and reflection Like a suit of armor Trying to protect from daggers Penetrating my heart and spirit Only to eventually fail With tears flowing like blood But this isn’t weakness For vulnerability is strength Especially in a world That often rejects this But this is how I slay the dragons This is how I always have This is how I survive
"Heartache and pain
Like a shield
Built to keep the monsters at bay "
i loved your poem :) this was my favorite part